Let’s ignore the fact that my odds of dating Katy Perry are highly zero. I mean, we don’t even travel in the same circle of friends so our chances of getting introduced are pretty crap. Meanwhile, your sister is totally within my reach and very dateable. Here’s ten reasons why I’d rather date your sister than the mega pop star.
1. Some pasts can’t be ignored.
While not everybody can boldly go where no man has gone before, I steadfastly refuse to go where Russell Brand has gone before. The past belongs in the past but when that past includes a commonly known, filthy looking, nincompoop, it just can’t be ignored. I don’t care if your sister spent a summer giving handies to a Chumbawumba tribute band, just so long as she doesn’t tell me.
2. She’s no Beatle.
One night 1971, John Lennon woke Yoko Ono so she could hear a song he wrote called Imagine. I cherish my sleep so if get woken up in the middle of the night for a piano rendition of California Girls I’m gonna lose my s%&!. If I’m gonna be her Yoko, she better start writing songs like Revolution, I Want You (She’s So Heavy), and Happiness Is A Warm Gun.